Oh God! It was still after me [at least I felt it]! I experienced things that made me realize I ought to contact a counsellor. Days went by ... I had to lose things that my personality was made of- my smile, my confidence, my esteem, my self. Traumas and dilemmas took over. Stress was there too. I was a freshman and I had no idea that my academic results too were going to let me down [by the way, I should have known that ;)], but that's how it went. I was flabbergasted at my loss after so inferior a thing such as Silhouette. To describe my feelings at that time in a better way, I must suggest you give a listen to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfRLmk7Q_q4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKCek6_dB0M&ob=av3e
A year later, becoming a sophomore was a pleasant experience ... I felt good :) I was returning to be a care-free person I used to be long ago. Oh, I was working really hard to get my grades up and make a good total at the end of the two years of Intermediate. I was sublimating my aggression in the form of creativity. I was the apple of the eye of my teachers [English and English Literature teachers especially, because in English you get to pour all the creativity out in a much classical sense :)] The stress of losing some so-called friends at the end of the first year was also going away, I had new and better ones :) And so the second year gave me good grades, highest marks, appreciation from teachers and everything back that usually the parents need more than the child ;) And the most significant thing to mention here that's exactly in accordance with the title of this post is that I didn't even remember the Silhouette. It wasn't anywhere at least in my conscious or sub-conscious, no idea about unconscious! We might find it out later what made me forget (temporarily) the Silhouette.
So, the third year began, it was this 'sms' that brought the lousy, obscure, cryptic, esoteric and unfathomable past back! To be honest, my reply to the message was- "who cares?" ... may be I didn't know myself, I did.
Back then, I did not have this facility at home that is considered of pivotal importance in making world a global village so I might have had a 1% truth in my response. But I knew, I was going to repudiate. I was not unfaithful after all, at least to my own preferences...
So just then, I was introduced to the second most influential being in my life, the Quarry. Again, in this case, I had it in of front me from the start of that year but it felt like I had been blind-folded. It was introduced to me on the day of perusal and I honestly did not know I was going to get affected by it. Oh, I loved to have a comrade like Quarry. Each day, I waited to have a new and memorable talk with it but it was all fading away in the time being. I couldn't do anything to stop it. I did verbalize my fears and desires to it but all of that went in vain. Bad year that was. I loved, respected, tried, fought and wept again. Altogether, it was again a bad academic year. Quarry was very nice [apparently]. Still is very nice [apparently]. Its very nice to cherish the memories of being asked, being neglected and then finally, being refused. Shame on me, but I still manage to love my inner self ;) And can't manage to forget the past. Still have regrets, bruises but its the way it is now, nothing can be done with the events that came and went away in the teens [the age of fire]. The after effects include- I often go blank in scrutiny, I experience disorganized speech, I forget things quickly and easily, have become a lot more lethargic as well ;)
But I am a very nice person now :) [sorry, I had to say that myself 'cause I can't afford to weaken the sense of self-efficacy now ;)]
Forgetting and decoding everything from the memory isn't easy. I did manage to get over the traumatic events, to love and leave the metaphysical beings (that's what to me they are now) but I had to compromise certain innate abilities- I had a very good memory and you might know it by now because I have so much mess within my mind that keeps irritating me and makes me write ironic posts like these but, going back to the phenomenon of completely forgetting the Silhouette and partially forgetting the memorable events with the Quarry; since I still have to face the latter everyday, I now realize that I must have taken help of a psychological phenomenon known as 'motivational forgetting (repression)'. And from where did I come to know of it? Well, there's at least something that we learn from the course that we study everyday at our educational institutes ;) And may be this procedure of M.F is responsible for the obstacles I face and have mentioned at the end of the above paragraph.
Waiting for the end? ~ No, I did not forget them both permanently, I do have this facility at home that is considered of pivotal importance in making the world a global village. I do care and I do follow the 'sms', nearly everyday. And I do feel repentant when I get to see the Quarry everyday (when its not a holiday). But I think now I have become perfectly:
