The ten habits of remarkably charismatic people!

Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.

We can't always define it, but some people have it: They're naturally charismatic.

Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.

But some people are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way) the people around them, consistently make people feel better about themselves--they're the kind of people everyone wants to be around...and wants to be.

Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn't about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project--it's about what we do.

Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people (as for me, I like the last one the most!):

1. They listen way more than they talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.

Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.

Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?

Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. They don't practice selective hearing.

Some people--I guarantee you know people like this--are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.

Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.

Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.

Because we do: We're all people.

3. They put their stuff away.

Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.

You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.

Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. They give before they receive--and often they never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

5. They don't act self-important…

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.

And we hate when you walk in the room.

6. …Because they realize other people are more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.

That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.

But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.

That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.

7. They shine the spotlight on others.

No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.

Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?

Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.

Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.

Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.

8. They choose their words.

The words you use impact the attitude of others.

For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.

We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves--and make you feel better about yourself, too.

9. They don't discuss the failings of others...

Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.

The problem is, we don't necessarily like--and we definitely don't respect--the people who dish that dirt.

Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

10. ...But they readily admit their failings.

Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they're successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

The keyword is seem.

You don't have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.

But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.

Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.

While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.

People won't laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.

They'll like you better for it--and they'll want to be around you a lot more.

Courtesy (except the Italic line): http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/advisor/the-ten-habits-of-remarkably-charismatic-people.html

The Best Work of Fiction to Date!

I have been reading a lot of novels lately. Some of them were fine, others were just fine. I can't really remember the last novel that had a lasting impact on me. I know, the mistake might have been on my side because I was committed to complete the 'collection' rather than giving my real attention, perception and imagination to any of those. And tell you what, none of them were themselves not so 'out-of-the-world' to grab my attention as well!
So, coming to what I have in my mind right now, I (the numb gal) finally came across a novel that moved me and when I say moved me, I mean it! It actually brought me to tears! I am referring to an Urdu genre novel published in 2004 by one of the most renowned writers of Pakistan. The novel, without a doubt, is Peer-e-kaamil (S.A.W.W).

Since, my most favorite language to read stuff in is English, so I did not have the courage to read it until it was translated in English. Most recently, I came across a translated version of this book in one of the malls I was visiting. I had heard a lot about it and I knew that one day I will definitely be reading it (in Urdu of course, because I had no idea that Umera herself would be so generous to translate it in English for a non-lexical like me). So there it was, when I found this enchanting book and that too in English, I had every intention to buy it and as soon as I turned the book to see how much did it cost, I was bound to put it back in the shelf from where I had picked it! :( =P

That day, I came home and searched for the same version on the internet and I was relieved and euphoric and excited and flabbergasted to find a PDF version of it and that too 'free-of-cost'! =D

So, I began it.... Oh! and in less than 3 and a half days, I was over and done with it and I was startled to see how much it had touched my heart that my eyes could not get dry for another three days following the completion of the book! It is a master-piece, a real spell-binding, alluring and entrancing book that moved me (the numb gal, as you remember I have mentioned in the beginning). I strongly recommend all my readers to read this novel (which I doubt, if you already haven't).

Hats-off to Umera Ahmed!

Poor Veronika!

heya!

So I mean, yes! I got addicted to Coelho's writings. 

I read another one- Veronika Decides to Die. A young, juvenile, good-looking woman who attempted suicide because her life lacked adventure. 

There were very few characters in the novel (except of course the staff of the hospital). The two mad-women that Veronika encounters during her short stay in the hospital, Mari and Zedka. The schizophrenic Eduard, whom Veronika eventually falls in love with and the main character (actually more significant than the girl whose name has been used in the title) Dr. Igor who happened to be the director of the Mental asylum- Vilette. The writer takes you in to the lives of each and everyone named above (including Veronika herself, of course). Half of the time, I kept wondering that what do we have to do with the lives of those with whom the heroine had an encounter, all we- the readers, needed to know was whether or not Veronika made it in the end (although the writer was keeping up the hopes that she had very little to live but being optimists, we still mange to hope for the things that seem unmanageable, unreachable and impossible). 

So, never mind if Veronika could or couldn't make it through but what I figured out in the end that the story of Zedka (the depressed), Mari (the one who got panic-attacks), Eduard (the schizophrenic) and Veronika herself (the failed suicidal case) was of little importance as compared to the interesting and completely emotionless plot set up by the director of the asylum- Dr. Igor. I must say, Doc Igor! You're the man!

Brida- the witch.

Whoa!

Another one by Coelho finished- Brida. Before I discuss about the story of the novel and the way it has been put forth and the character sketch and the impression the novel has left on me, I would like to share a little history associated with this particular novel. The first time I heard about Paulo, I came home, turned the internet on and searched for this author's work. I found all the novels written by him and the only title that attracted me (more than the title that was actually suggested to me for a read) was this- Brida. I have no idea why but when I wrote Brida in the toolbar of the search engine, I discovered this front cover of the novel:

Surprisingly, I found this cover and again, unknowingly, my interest exceeded. I was desperate for this novel. I downloaded many novels by Paulo but Brida was included in my list of the top three (which was neither suggested to me nor was it in the most famous works by Paulo). And so my curiosity led me to finish it in a mere duration of 24 hours. 

A spell-binding novel, no doubt! Brida- an ordinary Irish girl with a special Gift for witchcraft set out on a journey to find out answers to her questions about life. The first person she came across (the Magus) was the one she is expected to go with in the end but the end turns out to be even more startling and to some extent- frightening for the ones who are hoping to see the soul-mates together. But the aim of the novel, as far as I figured out, was that not all persons necessarily have 'one' soul-mate. And therefore, we shall always be prepared to never try to 'own' or 'possess' somebody we love because we never know what the fate has in store for us but at the same time, never stop loving too- For when we stop loving, we cease to comprehend the meaning of existence.

The novel was, altogether, a good read :)

Something about Coelho.

Well, now then, now then...
I couldn't really recollect when was the last time when I actually accomplished 'completing' a novel. I hadn't found any interesting 'fiction', so I really didn't bother finishing any novel that I started. Then, a suggestion came in from more than one sources to read the work by Paulo Coelho. I collected a lot of his work and then I began to wait when my mid-terms would end and I would actually find some spare time to read it. And then that time arrived too and I found myself finishing three novels in three days (one of which was not by Coelho by the way, but never mind)!
The two novels that I read written by the same man were a total contradiction of views (that I thought it was). The first one was 'The Alchemist', which I am sure many people have read by now and certainly I had to enter in the fan-following of Alchemist as well because it is so close to the phenomena such as philosophy, soul searching, raison d'etre, and of course alchemy itself. The second one was 'Eleven Minutes' and OMG! I could only say- what a daring novel! Personally, I learned a lot of history from that novel (and I am glad that I did not learn anything else) but really, I completely disagreed with the writer's approach of the way of putting a dream into reality. Although, at the end it was mentioned that the novel was partly based on a real story but so what?! When someone has such great a number of people following him, he should at least be a little bit cautious. I did not feel weary of lauding the way Alchemist had been written and I still feel its one of the best efforts made by a writer, in fact any writer! But I think it was my own mistake that I chose such a daring novel written on such a bold subject (which doesn't really matter as far as the right is encouraged and the wrong is discouraged) and in that too, such absurdity of scene description has been made. Eleven Minutes was a novel that might be appreciated by the masses but it really makes one feel as if life has no other aim but sex. The fan, refrigerator, air conditioner, television, telephone, airplane, sophisticated watches and mobile phones and all this advancement in science- isn't it all an outcome of the brilliance of human mind? Okay, keeping science apart- the philosophy, psychology, economics, politics, warfare, sociology, civilization, history... even the invention of a small hairpin, the recipe of making a bread loaf out of wheat, the ability to make larger buildings each day- aren't all these aims of humans necessary too except 'that' one (and which is considered to be the most important topic of discussion as well) aim??
I am not making a review of 'Eleven Minutes' the way I made a review of 'The Alchemist' (how well written it is), but still, my only aim was to bring all those important and significant stuff into consideration that has played a pivotal role in differentiating man from other animals- as simple as this.

Equilibrium

Dear readers!
I had been thinking for a while now, what exactly are the conditions that bring us to sorrow even though we are so cautious at times not to make things go worse and handle the present situation more sensibly than we last did.

But there's always a force that drives us to crazy decisions. At the very moment, it may makes us feel that the decision we made was a catastrophic one! We must had not been in our right mind to decide that, but let me assure you, 90% of all the decisions taken in extreme conditions turn out to be beneficial for us or for our future. But there's one very important thing to remember: even if we have taken a decision that we ourselves do not approve of at that particular time, we need to be determined and stand by our own selves when nobody else is willing to support us. And that is when that driving force comes from within us and helps us stand by what we have done. This force can be named a whim, a rage or simply the strength to believe in ourselves!

This is to strike a balance/ an equilibrium in our life because we can not always be happy and satisfied even if we are provided with the finest of things in our life. We need to experience each and every extreme sentiment so that we can enjoy leisure after hectic tasks, pleasure after melancholy and solace after ambiguity.

So the same thing happened to me today, I was really outrageous at first when I decided on to something really significant in my life (up until now, at least) and then became regretful at the decision too. I knew this one was the hardest amongst all the decisions in my life as yet. I also knew that there would be no looking back from where I am going to stand after making this particular decision but I did (actually, without shedding a drop of tear) yupppee, bravo! ;) But yes, I did feel sad, really really sad! Here, I must mention that decisions taken in an emotional situation are more likely to make one sad than those taken in other situations but when you become the master of your emotions, you give a damn to what you feel! Because feelings makes you go irrational (if exceeded from a certain point/level, of course). And so today, I had a feeling of maturity.

Getting rid of insensible feelings, emotions, believes, stereo-types and people in your life does help you move toward a better position in your life. This is a step toward spiritual satisfaction. Of course, materialistically, you are not getting anything whilst getting rid of such absurdities but spiritually, you are! And that is more important too!